Who am I and what the hell am I doing here?

13 Sep

Quai_D'Orsay_ParisAfter 2 weeks of working I can call myself officially an Au Pair, I think. I wake up early, watch cartoons with my little monster, braid her hair, wash her teeth and give her a kiss before mommy takes her to school. I spend the rest of my mornings doing irrelevant activities like window shopping, passing too much time at the metro, and wandering like a lost tourist in the streets of Paris. Then I pick her up from school, take her to the park for what seems like an eternity, come back home, cook her usual boring dinner (boiled pasta with salt, no sauce, no butter, just salt), get her in the bathtub, get her out of the bathtub, put her pjs on, wash her teeth again. Voila, c’est tout. It isn’t rocket science but it is quite stressful to take care of a child who only expresses emotions by laughing or crying, never by talking. Anyways, I’m getting used to it and I haven’t killed the poor child yet, extra points for me.

However, it wasn’t so simple from day 1. I have to admit that the first couple of days after I arrived to my new home were absolute hell. I found myself alone in a city where everyone speaks French to me like I understand every word they say, with a seven hour difference from Mexico, without anyone to hang out with, and overwhelmed in every possible way by the idea of taking care of a girl. I spent the first four days planning the best excuse to quit so I could return to Mexico to my easy life with housekeepers, cars, an awesome guy waiting for me, and mom. I felt like a stranger in my own life and I didn’t want to make peace with my newest reality, I wasn’t enjoying the best city in the world, at all. After a few speeches from my best friend, my mom, and my oldest brother I decided one night that it was time to change my bad attitude to a positive one starting the next morning, and I did.

I woke up the next day and everything was a bit happier, I started rejecting negative thoughts from my mind and I felt less lonely because a friend from my hometown arrived in Paris that same day, it’s nice to have something from my old life in my new one.  I met some cool people from different nationalities on the weekend, enjoyed a caramello cone from Amorino while reading by myself in Le jardin de Tuileries, then I met some really cool Au Pairs that are in the same situation as I am, and everything started falling into place. I don’t feel like a lost tourist anymore, I walk around the streets like a true parissiene, and the waiters are starting to understand me when I ask for un verre d’eau. It’s still hard and I still hate the seven hour difference with Mexico but I’m fine and everything will be ok, I can do this.

So, if there’s anythingI relearned on my past two weeks of Parisian Life is that attitude can make or break you and it’s not so hard to turn a negative attitude into a positive one, you just have to want to do it. I also relearned that I underestimate myself too often, I’m capable of so much more than I think and I have to stop worrying about the little things and thinking of what I left behind, the present is all we’ve got and c’mon, I’m in Paris, I’m living the dream.

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One Response to “Who am I and what the hell am I doing here?”

  1. accutane September 24, 2013 at 1:06 am #

    Fine way of explaining, and pleasant paragraph to obtain data on tthe topic of mmy presentation focus,
    which i am going to present in university.

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Thought Catalog is a digital youth culture magazine dedicated to your stories and ideas.

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